Other category Status and Messages
Death Wish Joke
Posted by M K D, Admin
A woman in her 90’s is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can’t live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn’t want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is. He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger. Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman’s left thigh.
Bad News Joke
Posted by M K D, Admin
This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live. Guy: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease. Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!
Elderly Woman Joke
Posted by M K D, Admin
One day a man takes his frail, elderly mother into hospital. "I hope the nurses treat you well, mum." he said. After a while, the old lady slowly tilts to one side, so 2 nurses put her back up. In half an hour, the old lady tilts to the other side, so the same nurses pick her back up again. When the woman's son comes to see how she\'s doing, he says, \"Have the nurses been treating you well?\" "Yes," replied his mum. "But they won't let me fart!"
Eye Exam Joke
Posted by M K D, Admin
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his were eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr. Matt Jenkins, Boston, MA )
Long Life Joke
Posted by M K D, Admin
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let’s see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions. " The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it’s absolutely necessary. And don’t even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I’m going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"
Amazing Facebook Status and Messages
Posted by M K D, Admin
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that’s when they are the hardest
to find. -------------------------------------------------------------- It’s the hardest times that teach us the most valuable lessons. -------------------------------------------------------------- Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving.. -------------------------------------------------------------- Can you even imagine how hard it is to turn your back to the one you love and walk away from
him, knowing that he is the right one for you? -------------------------------------------------------------- The best relationships are the ones you didn’t expect to be in, the ones you never even saw
coming. -------------------------------------------------------------- The greatest test of faith is when you don’t get what you want, but still you are able to say
THANK YOU LORD. -------------------------------------------------------------- Be thankful for all you have, because you never know what will happen next. -------------------------------------------------------------- Its not important to have long list of friends on FB & Whatsapp but its important to have some
friends who can read your face as book and ask whats up. -------------------------------------------------------------- There is no balance for behaviours …be ur self to know each other -------------------------------------------------------------- Why cant all men be like Noah from ”the notebook”, Jack from the ”titanic”, Will from ”The last
song” or John from ”Dear John” :( -------------------------------------------------------------- The worst disease in the world is fear, and i am AFRAID of it.. -------------------------------------------------------------- C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping… -------------------------------------------------------------- Take care of your thoughts when you are alone and take care of your words when you are with
people. -------------------------------------------------------------- 3 steps to move on. CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself, look for an alternate solution, and
delete the situation that hurts you. -------------------------------------------------------------- Be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the stress in you. -------------------------------------------------------------- Never blame solely yourself for any misfortune of life, because no single raindrop is responsible
for flood. -------------------------------------------------------------- When people hurt you, think of them like a sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you but in
the end, you end up polished & they end up useless. -------------------------------------------------------------- People like to bring up your past, when your present and future look better than theirs. -------------------------------------------------------------- If you never thank GOD after every smile then you have no right to blame him for every tear. -------------------------------------------------------------- You can fool some people sometimes,But you can’t fool all the people all the time. -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, change is what’s best. Strength can be measured not by holding on but by letting
go. -------------------------------------------------------------- Happiness comes with a price tag. If you are smiling, you have already paid for it in past. -------------------------------------------------------------- A king only bows down to his queen. -------------------------------------------------------------- The world is full of nice people…… If you can’t find one, be one. -------------------------------------------------------------- decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.. -------------------------------------------------------------- Alone I can Say!But Together We Can Talk!Alone I can SMILE!But Together We Can
LAUGHAlone I Can Enjoy!But Together We Can Celebrate!Thats The BEAUTY OF
FRIENDSHIP!WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT EACH OTHER!“To my sweet & loving friends” -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes life is too hard to be alone and sometimes its too good to be alone -------------------------------------------------------------- said, If I ruled the world, We would only work 2 days a week and be off for 5. Who’s with me!! -------------------------------------------------------------- There Comes A Time Once In Life, But There’s Only Once In A Life Time That You Live Through
Out Your Life, And Once You Live Your Life, There’s Only Once In A Life Time That You Must
Come To A End! -------------------------------------------------------------- if being crazy is the ever craziest thing den YES… i have done d world’s craziest task!!!!!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------- “Keep Look Without See But Only Imagine” -------------------------------------------------------------- Don’t you wish people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which
ones are fake and who are real. -------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and
creating something better. -------------------------------------------------------------- At times we do not value our belongings. Unless they stop belonging to us. -------------------------------------------------------------- Live your life and forget your age.
Angry Facebook Status and Messages
Posted by M K D, Admin
The best place to be is in a loving family, but the worst place to be is in a family that only
PRETENDS to be loving. -------------------------------------------------------------- 2010: Doodle jump 2011: Angry birds 2012: Temple run. NOW THIS (my last status) -------------------------------------------------------------- ”Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are
a mile away and barefoot.” -------------------------------------------------------------- You know he’s special when he can makes you laugh, angry, smile, cry and change your mood. -------------------------------------------------------------- Don’t put words into my mouth. I have got plenty to say. Don’t tell me how to live my life,
I do things my way. -------------------------------------------------------------- When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves. -------------------------------------------------------------- Beware, I’m not in my greatest mood today.. -------------------------------------------------------------- Two things to remember, DON’T make decisions when you’re angry and DON’T make promises
when you’re happy.. -------------------------------------------------------------- Thinks that people who start Rumors should get out and get a life and stop worrying about
what others are doing. Clean up your own life and shut up! -------------------------------------------------------------- Angry Birds ? Temple Run ? Next Big GAME ? checkout my last STATUS -------------------------------------------------------------- Do you ever get the feeling that you would like to reach out and just choke someone? -------------------------------------------------------------- Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. -------------------------------------------------------------- Some people never realise the emotional and mental damage they do to others. -------------------------------------------------------------- When you are angry, your text speed increases by a ridiculous amount. -------------------------------------------------------------- It takes a lot of energy to get angry. I don’t care to use my energy that way. It sucks when you realize you rejected other people for that one person who wasted your time. -------------------------------------------------------------- You have a problem with me. I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.. -------------------------------------------------------------- Don’t make promises when you’re happy. Don’t reply when you’re angry. Don’t make decisions
when you’re sad. Don’t text when your drunk. -------------------------------------------------------------- You can’t trust anybody these days…you think you have a good friend till you turn around and
realize they have the knife 6 inches deep in your back. -------------------------------------------------------------- That annoying moment when you show someone a picture on your phone, and they start
scrolling through the rest. -------------------------------------------------------------- Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. -------------------------------------------------------------- Go ahead, judge me. Just remember to be perfect for the rest of your life!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Actions speak louder than words, your words don’t mean anything to me when your actions are
telling me different. -------------------------------------------------------------- Some people will pretend to care just so they can get a better seat to watch your struggle.
Every helping hand is not always there to help. -------------------------------------------------------------- Definition of EX: Thanks for the EXperience. Our time has EXpired. Now EXit my life. -------------------------------------------------------------- Never forget what someone says to you when they are angry, bcoz that’s when the truth
comes out. -------------------------------------------------------------- Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths. -------------------------------------------------------------- What goes around comes around. That’s what people say. So all the pain you caused me will
come back to you someday. -------------------------------------------------------------- If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life. -------------------------------------------------------------- Don’t be so happy, I don’t really forgive people, I just pretend like it’s ok and wait for my turn
to destroy them. -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you
have two hands. -------------------------------------------------------------- I text you because I want to have a conversation with you. Not to get one word answers. -------------------------------------------------------------- I wouldn’t have to manage my anger if people could learn to manage their stupidity. -------------------------------------------------------------- Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. -------------------------------------------------------------- I don’t need to manage my anger, people need to manage their stupidity.
Beauty Facebook Status and Messages
Posted by M K D, Admin
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.
Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential,
and fight for your dreams. -------------------------------------------------------------- Real beauty is to be true to oneself. That’s what makes me feel good. -------------------------------------------------------------- By plucking her petals, you do not gather the beauty of the flower. -------------------------------------------------------------- Beauty is good when it’s on the outside, but what about the inside, it’s deep with-in the soul. -------------------------------------------------------------- Beauty is less important than quality. -------------------------------------------------------------- The problem with beauty is that it’s like being born rich and getting poorer. -------------------------------------------------------------- The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain
children all our lives. -------------------------------------------------------------- The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty, even one’s own even more, one’s own,
for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being. -------------------------------------------------------------- Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on
the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false. -------------------------------------------------------------- I sincerely feel that beauty largely comes from within. -------------------------------------------------------------- You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older. -------------------------------------------------------------- Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. -------------------------------------------------------------- A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness. -------------------------------------------------------------- Beauty saves. Beauty heals. Beauty motivates. Beauty unites. Beauty returns us to our origins,
and here lies the ultimate act of saving, of healing, of overcoming dualism. -------------------------------------------------------------- Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal
and give strength to body and soul.
Break up Facebook Status and Messages
Posted by M K D, Admin
Out of all the people in the world i thought you were the the one to be there for me 4 ever
and always. turns out i was just your last option wasn’t i -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes when you love someone who isn’t right for you, no matter how much you love them
and want them back you have to let them go.. -------------------------------------------------------------- They say you have to go on and forget the past, but for me it’s not like that cause every time
i try to forget the memory hunts me again.. -------------------------------------------------------------- 5 most annoying words after a break up: “Are you mad at me?” No, I`m perfectly happy you
broke my heart.. -------------------------------------------------------------- I will never learn to stop loving you I’m just learning how to live without you and move on
without you there by my side. -------------------------------------------------------------- I’ll hide my broken heart beneath a laughing face and though you’ll think I never cared, no one
can take your place. -------------------------------------------------------------- You shouldnt have done what you did. Now you have karma to deal with. And shes a much
bigger bitch than me. :) -------------------------------------------------------------- Just give me time and I’ll get over you. -------------------------------------------------------------- If you can’t save the relationship, at least save your pride. -------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Insomnia..I think we really need to break-up…I don’t love you anymore… -------------------------------------------------------------- There is always that person in life that you give several chances, it’s because you love them
more than you hate them. -------------------------------------------------------------- I get so emotional when you are not around. I think the emotion is called happiness. -------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know why a previous relationship is called EX? It’s not the term for the past. EX is short
for EXpired. -------------------------------------------------------------- There comes a time when walking away is the best for everyone. -------------------------------------------------------------- Trusting you again is my decision, Proving me wrong is your choice. -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall back together. -------------------------------------------------------------- All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate you is actually a gain,
not a loss. -------------------------------------------------------------- Breakup is just like having the worst nightmare after the best dream. -------------------------------------------------------------- A broken relationship would make you feel more lonely than when you were single. -------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Bad Luck ….. Let’s break up. -------------------------------------------------------------- A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it. -------------------------------------------------------------- People say follow your heart…but which way do you go when your heart breaks into two? -------------------------------------------------------------- There is a severe pain I felt in my heart which you will never see b’coz it appears when you
are not here. -------------------------------------------------------------- Not everyone is meant to be in a long term thing. Maybe I should just give up. -------------------------------------------------------------- I agree its easy to cry n easy to die bt its nt easy to say goodbye. -------------------------------------------------------------- It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. -------------------------------------------------------------- It’s better to dream of something you may never have than to lose something you always
dreamed of having. -------------------------------------------------------------- No matter how hard I try, no matter how many relationships I get into…. it will never replace
the one I just lost. -------------------------------------------------------------- Wants to remind you that even though you can not go back and make a brand new start,
you can always start now and make a brand new ending. -------------------------------------------------------------- i just don’t see any point in loving anymore when I’ll just be hurt over and over again -------------------------------------------------------------- Wondering: Is it the heart that fools the mind or the mind that fools the heart? -------------------------------------------------------------- I wish you weren’t in my dreams. -------------------------------------------------------------- Relationships are very simple. There are only two things that can happen. You either get
married or your break up. -------------------------------------------------------------- The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let
you live. -------------------------------------------------------------- It’s not just the goodbyes that hurts, its the flashbacks that follow..
Facebook School status and Messages
Posted by M K D, Admin
That awkward moment when you find out someone from your school is following you on twitter. -------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: Come on! You learned this in 3rd grade! Me: I can`t remember what I ate for
breakfast. -------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, why do you allow so much violence in our schools?. signed a concerned student
:Dear concerned student, I am not allowed in schools! -------------------------------------------------------------- “Can I copy your homework?” “Yeah but the answers are probably all wrong.” “I don`t care,
thanks!” -------------------------------------------------------------- You know it`s summer when you wake up not knowing what day of the week it is -------------------------------------------------------------- When I study, 90% = complaining about I have to study | 10% = actually studying. -------------------------------------------------------------- That annoying moment when you realize someone else is using the pen you lost. -------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently my teachers are having a contest to see who could give out the most homework. -------------------------------------------------------------- TEACHER: What does “coincidence” mean? Student: Funny, I was just going to ask you that. :) -------------------------------------------------------------- Dear sleep, oh how I miss you. We used to spend so much time together, but lately school has
come between us. Till we meet again… -------------------------------------------------------------- That awkward moment when you`re stretching in class and accidentally touch someone else`s
face. -------------------------------------------------------------- After the Exam.. To Friend: “Oh dude, I`m Gonna Fail!” To Mom: “It was SUPERB good :) :D -------------------------------------------------------------- In class = sleep mode on | After class = hyperactive…….STARTS!!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Making up fake rules when there is a substitute teacher. -------------------------------------------------------------- Coming late to a class and pushing your friend to go in first :P LIKE if you have done this.
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