Crazy Facebook Status and Messages

Shhhhhhhh everyone around me is in a relationship and I am just here with my laptop & this page.

You want to come into my life, the door is open. You want to leave my life, the door is open. Just one request; don’t stand in front of the door, you are blocking traffic :)

I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.

i had bad habit of laughing in serious moments — huhahahaha

I hate how chocolates immediately melt on my fingers. I mean, am i that hot?

Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.

Do you ever look at your friends and think “why the hell aren’t we comedians?”

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

I don’t care if you think I’m crazy. Life is too short to be normal.

The best feeling in the world is when someone you hate tells a joke and nobody laughs :)

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you. Make your appointment today.

Your lips look so lonely. Would they like to meet mine?

People say nothing’s impossible, but I do nothing everyday.

I know I’m crazy. Don’t ruin my moment.

how can i call them best friends when i no they don’t give a fuck about me

Sick of getting hurt my every chick i give my heart to I’m fucking over it. Just want a girl that’s going to treat my heart like there OWN…

I’m batter than you Ex and better then your NEXT!

Sometimes I wonder how many miles I have scrolled my mouse wheel.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

When I am home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer.

Being in a relationship is a full-time job; don’t apply if you’re not ready to commit.

A lot of men & women would rather stay single b’coz they are tired of giving their everything and ending up with nothing.

Arrange marriage these days is the agreement between two broken hearts.

Roses are red, violets are blue, NOW GET OFF FACEBOOK BEFORE I COME AND SLAP YOU!!!!!

status is the status of ones status depending on mind status..which s not original status..

Why are you just sitting there looking at my status..huh? because you just wasted about 35seconds of your life..dummy!!=P

Look on cashiers face :) priceless

is just going to be themself…primarily because none of the other people in their head want the job.

A girl jogging in the park helps atleast 5 boys to be fit and in shape.

If Your age was to be determined by the 2 last digits of your phone number, how old wil you be?

Why do I fall in love with people who are all ready taken or have feelings for someone else?

Freedom of speech is lost when you get into a relationship and she is beautiful.

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary? :)

That awkward moment when you are watching a movie with your dad and a love scene comes on.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

If there’s one thing I hate the most, its seeing bad things happen to good people.

OH MY GOD, The rain’s wet..

I’ve been thinking. I know, it scares me too..

Boys think of girls just ike books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eye, they won’t bother to read what’s inside.

I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shit.

People who wait 4 hours to reply to a text with “lol” should be shooted :)

Get drunk, Get high, Fuck the world, Try to fly, Screw the girls, Punch the guys, Go to sleep and do it all over again.

Sometimes I wonder how many miles I have scrolled my mouse wheel.

I have a problem. My proble is love and ……… My solution is you.

Every boy wants a good girl to be bad just for him and every girl wants a bad boy to be good just for her. Crazy World

Its crazy how much you let someone hurt you without realizing it.

Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy

If you think I’m crazy, raise your hand… Now maybe you should rethink that since your the one sitting at a computer raising your hand.

Boys think of girls just ike books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eye, they won’t bother to read what’s inside.

Justin Bieber in 3D? And you thought movie theater floors were sticky before.

fell over and split my head open, but I think I’ll just say chris brown did it….

I used to keep a condom in my wallet, now I keep a gym membership. Both of which have never been used.

Girls are like horoscopes, they always tells us what to do and they are always wrong!

If you think I’m crazy, raise your hand… Now maybe you should rethink that since your the one sitting at a computer raising your hand.

When I joke they take it seriously. When I am serious they take it as a joke.

We all have that one person we hate but constantly look at their facebook profile.

When I see you, I miss your smile. When I see your smile, I miss your hug. When you hug me, I want your kiss …… Oh I’m just so crazy about you.

People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you don’t.

My phone is like my lover. Its the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

If there’s one thing I hate the most, its seeing bad things happen to good people.

My back is not a voicemail, say it to my face.

I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.

That awkward moment when you wait for a text but you realize you are the one that didn’t reply.

Relationships would be easier if people came with a CLEAR HISTORY button.

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

My rice crispies are trying to tell me something!!

if i was sitting in the police car and then went to jail…what do you think happend?? (post comment below

OM-GOSH! What am I gonna do?? I’m bored and if someone doesn’t help me I’m going to die! I don’t wanna die! Wahhhhhh! Did I mention that I’m bored?Hehe lolz=)

The awkward moment when you enter class late and everyone stares at you.

We all have that one person we hate but constantly look at their facebook profile.

Boys think of girls just ike books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eye, they won’t bother to read what’s inside.

If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . . . . I am fantastic!

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you have to buy two separate books.

I am 99.9% sure he doesnt like me. But its the 00.1% that keeps me going.

At least I can still smoke in my car.

I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.

I smile and act like nothing is wrong, its called putting shit aside and being strong.

That awkward moment when you wait for a text but you realize you are the one that didn’t reply.

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.

If you were to die tomorrow would you be happy with today?

I have a problem. My proble is love and ……… My solution is you.

My phone is like my lover. Its the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you don’t.

I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shit.

If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . . . . I am fantastic!

I’m batter than you Ex and better then your NEXT!

Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!

Being single doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about love, it just means you know enough to wait for it.

Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

Why does it always rain the hardest on those who deserve the sun?

If you were a tear in my eyes, I would not cry for the fear of losing you.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

That awkward moment when you wait for a text but you realize you are the one that didn’t reply.

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

The awkward moment when you enter class late and everyone stares at you.

Knock knock. who’s there? Karma! oh fuck..

fuck it ill do it my way because the people who love me will understand because they love me

Fat people shouldn’t be allowed to have computers, You catfishing muthafuckers

All Chief Keef videos be in one living room, NOTHING IN IT but 100 mufuckas jumping around..

People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you don’t.

I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shit.

I wish I could record my dreams and watch them later.

You must be a certified helmet wearing window licker to ride the sunshine bus..

Hey! Hey you! Yeah,you!I wanna tell you something!..Come here..What are you looking at?Oh my gosh, STALKER!LEAVE ME ALONE!

‘s status is sponsored by the letters W T F.

OK, I laughed often (got stared at), I loved harder (one new restraining order), and I danced like no one was watching,.. THAT was when they locked me up! HELP!

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

is wondering why cat hairs stick to everything but her cat?

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

When you see my head tilt to the side and I start to stare into space. I would run. The voices inside my head just gave me a brilliant idea. Be very afraid!

I smile and act like nothing is wrong, its called putting shit aside and being strong.

If you were to die tomorrow would you be happy with today?

Don’t you sometimes just wish something would happen? Good or Bad; just for the sake of something happening.

Boy i tell u what, my imaginary friend is really good at hide-n-seek, i haven’t been able to find them for three days and i even asked the voices in my head.

All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.

Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.

A pessimist is very optimistic that they won’t be able to find their glass.

Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy

They don’t know that we know they know we know.

Press “like” if you are crazy.

i haven’t lost my brain it just couldn’t handle my ideas so it left

I’ve been thinking. I know, it scares me too..

If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?

People who wait 4 hours to reply to a text with “lol” should be shooted :)

my brain just left running down the street claiming i was crazy i started to chase it telling it to give me my voices back

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

At least I can still smoke in my car.

Its crazy how much you let someone hurt you without realizing it.

When I get a text from you, I immediately stop whatever I’m doing to read it.

Why does it always rain the hardest on those who deserve the sun?

When you see my head tilt to the side and I start to stare into space. I would run. The voices inside my head just gave me a brilliant idea. Be very afraid!

I don’t talk to myself, i talk to the little voices in my head that tell me to do evil cruel things to people and that’s the reason why i smile all the time..

Does anyone else get scared when a text reads “Can I ask you a question?”

Being stupid is its own reward.

The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.

If you were a tear in my eyes, I would not cry for the fear of losing you.

All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.

Being someones FIRST may be great but being LAST is perfect…

People change, things change, time changes, priorities change, but expectations always remain the same..

My head is telling my heart “I told you so!”.

Wonders if its bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening…

Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.

A wise man once said, You can’t be old & wise, if you were never young & crazy.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

My back is not a voicemail, say it to my face.

Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.

Don’t think too much, you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.

It doesn’t matter what people say about you. It matters what you’re going to do to them after they say it!

The stuff you heard about me is a lie, I’m way worse…

i haven’t lost my brain it just couldn’t handle my ideas so it left

Some people should try thinking, it’s not illegal yet

I’m not crazy, I’m just special.

I was talking to myself last night and we both agreed that you’re crazy..

Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee, you can’t stop me! I broke my off switch..

Am i the only one who gets this random urge to help old ladies half way across the street and leave them there?

Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.

You people are crazy! I know…I can recognize my kind.

If a thoughtless thought is thought, would a thought thoughtlessly think of thoughtless thoughts whenever thinking thoughts are thoughtless? What a thought, eh?

I know that you know that I know what you know and you know what they know so I know what you know they know, you know?

I don’t talk to myself, i talk to the little voices in my head that tell me to do evil cruel things to people and that’s the reason why i smile all the time..

Money is made of paper, paper is made of wood, and wood is made from trees. Therefore, money does grow on trees.

OH MY GOD, The rain’s wet..

I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

“Want to get a drink?” “Later:” “How about now?” “Later.” “Now?” “Later.” “Now?” –If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend.

Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.